4 Rounds for time:
Calorie row, 15(12)
15 deadlift @ 50% of 1RM
Run 400m
Rest 2 minutes
*Record slowest round
Post times to comments and BTWB
It’s been too long since we got personal up in here. So let’s do this. By Courtney “I got my short shorts on” Shepherd
Well folks, today’s blog post picture is a first of it’s kind. In 35 years of life on this Earth I have never worn short booty shorts. . . until today. And this photo is your official proof that it happened. Now I already know what is going through most of your minds right now. . . so the f**k what. Is she really about to do a blog post about booty shorts?? Well, yes and no. It’s not the booty shorts per say but more of what they represent. Allow me to take a step back in time. Before I take that step, I want to give the disclaimer that this blog post is not a way to seek compliments or boosts of self esteem, because as you will soon enough learn, I don’t need them or want them from you. This post is an attempt to explain the benefits of CrossFit and the CrossFit community that can not be talked about enough.
From an age when I was old enough to know better, let’s roughly put that around 13 years old, I hated my body. I hated everything about it. I hated my skin, it’s super sensitive and breaks out all the time, I felt like I could never show off my legs. But that’s okay because I hated my legs. They seemed chunky and had visible cellulite. I hated my stomach, it was never flat, I always had a pouch below my belly button. I hated my love handles, because I effing had love handles. I swam from the age of 9-18. If I wasn’t in the pool then I was covered up. We had to take swim team photos every year, in just our swim suits, the level of anxiety that existed that day was always piqued. Because I hated my body, I hated wearing clothes other than sweat pants and baggy shirts. I actually had full panic attacks if there was an event that required I dress nicer. My mom would sit with me while I cried because there was nothing I could wear, I did not look good in anything. I often opted to not go out. I did not wear shorts unless I was at the beach and they were men’s basketball shorts or men’s board shorts. Since we are on the subject of the beach, unless I was in the water (with my shorts on), then I had a shirt or towel on. I never had an eating disorder, my illness was self loathing, of the highest order.
Sound ridiculous? Who has panic attacks about what to wear? To me now, it definitely sounds ridiculous. It makes me sad to think of how much of my young life was effected by my poor body image issues. Where my negative body image came from is not important, what’s important now is how I learned to not hate myself. That journey began the day I started CrossFit. They say CrossFit is a hedge against sickness. Well, for me, CrossFit was a hedge against self hatred. Over the course of my 8 years of doing CrossFit the pendulum has swung from crying about wanting to change every part of me to overhead squatting in booty shorts.
When I started CrossFit I never thought of it as a program that I would use to lose weight and look a certain way. I started CrossFit to help me be successful at my job as a Firefighter. But much like many of you, after a period of time I started to see some changes. Especially after I started to address my diet. But the only reason I started to address my diet was because I was told it would help my performance in the gym. When I started CrossFit I found myself doing things I had never done before but also things I never imagined for one second that I ever could do. I was lifting weight, lots of it. I was doing pull-ups, sometimes strict. It was the most empowering feeling ever to discover I could deadlift twice my body weight, I could do pull-ups without assistance. I wanted more, more of that feeling of being strong and capable. I stopped thinking about what my body looked like and became completely focused on what my body could do. The pendulum started moving, the hedge was being built.
When I turned 31 years old, I bought my first pair of Lulu lemon tight pants. It took approx 2 weeks for me to actually wear them in public. When I was 32 years old I bought my first pair of Lulu lemon shorts, the ones with a 4″ inseam, definitely not the speed shorts with only a 2″ inseam. Those would not get purchased until I was 33. I’m not sure when I first took my shirt off in a workout, but now that thing comes off during the warm-up some days, Nate style. When I was 34 years old I went on a vacation to a beach and walked around, for the first time ever, in just a swim suit, no cover up. I even let myself get photographed in the swim suit. Several months ago I was talking with some Verve members about something vain and trivial when it hit me, like a brick. I don’t hate my body anymore. I love my body. I’m proud of all the things it does. That love and pride was being expressed over the years by me wearing less and less clothing, by me covering less and proudly showing more.
I’ve come a very long way in the past few years but there was one thing left on the list that I wanted so badly to wear. Something that would just kick that self loathing straight in the teeth. . . shorter than short booty shorts. I see CrossFit girls wear them all the time, why not me. Well, because I still have bigger legs with visible cellulite. I bought several pairs of shorts several months ago and almost everyday I put them on before I leave for work. And everyday, right before I walk out the door I change. But not today. Today was a go. Today I said f**k it. I’m 35 years old, and I’ve wasted too many years caring too much about how I look.
I have never walked into Verve and heard a single person say something negative about how someone else looks. In fact, it’s always the opposite. Every day I am at Verve, at least one person comes up to me to share an accomplishment. You got your first pull-up, you PRed your back squat, for the first time in your life you ran a mile without stopping once. I hear about the accomplishments outside of the gym, you hiked your first 14er, you finished an Ironman, you stood up off the couch without assistance. There is an overwhelming amount of pride in what you can physically do, that is makes worrying about a little visible cellulite seem insignificant. Doing CrossFit has physically changed my body. The CrossFit community has changed my attitude about my body. Verve is a safe place, free of judgement, and overflowing with support for accomplishment.
My sense of self worth came from CrossFit and the people that make up this community. That’s why I don’t need your compliments, you have given me more than that in the form of support and inspiration. So thank you, it’s because of you I proudly wear so little clothing. 😉
